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Time to Rethink

Being in a LDR is kind of easy when you’re lonely. In HK, all I had was work, Kira and him. And I easily de-prioritized work for the dog and the man. But ever since I moved back, it just seems all the more.. pointless. What really eats me is that while everyone, around me is working towards creating a life together, we’re only planning as far ahead as our next vacation.

I’m tired of waiting, and going on JobsDB everyday to find him a job, only to receive replies like ‘this job is too junior for me’, or melancholic stories about how helpless he is (we are) in the face of the economic crisis. I’m tired of being alone, and doing everything by myself, and I’m tired of ‘reserving’ all the fun times for him. Shouldn’t life be 24/7 fun & happy?

It’s just funny, while the rest of us moved on, he’s still the same man from 3 years ago, 5 years ago, 7 years ago. I’ve moved cities 4x if you count Milan and BJ and he’s still there, and me here. I’ve always been a believer in when there’s a way there’s a way, so is the will lacking in this case, or should I really blame it on circumstances? Must I? I have never really have been a fan of the latter, just seems so.. reactional.

I am just so emptily disillusioned with what once used to hold such promise. I guess I’m getting old and turning into a realist. I want a best friend who’s here and needs me, like my dad who told me he fell sick from missing my mom when she was in Paris. 29 years and counting, and they’re still having teh tarik every night together.

P.S. My parents holding carrot cake making competition at home this weekend. I judge, haha!

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