Spent Friday night at work. But I don’t mind; I willingly back-loaded my work into the weekend, because A is out of town (again) and Friday night starts late anyway, if they even begin.
I would never have the luxury of doing this at my previous workplace. Work is still tough, but I get a lot more freedom in deciding how to do things, how to think about things, and when to do them. And that’s important to me; I feel like a person, not a slave.
I showed A my old blog last night because I wanted to let him see a picture of me in dreadlocks. Haha. He does not like them. But I do! I swear sometime before I turn 30, I will revisit my dreadlocked days.
I’m no longer mad at him. Me being extremely confrontational and unable to sit through more than 48 hours of feeling disadvantaged, dropped so many hints that he finally picked one up, thus creating an opening for me to vent all my frustrations. After much blah-blah-blah from Amanda, the Clueless Man said, why didn’t you tell me?
I did, I said, last week, and the week before that.
Well, tell me every time you feel unloved, he continued.
OK, I replied, but then I will have to remind you every day. I am an affectionate person, and I demand affection in return!!, I almost roared. I admit I was being very theatrical.
Before I slept that night, I created a new rule for us: we must say good night to each other every night.
He responded the next morning with his own: we must say good morning to each other every morning.
And just like that, I’m happy again. You know how people always say a woman’s happiness should never depend on a man? It’s a real weakness of mine, but I cannot imagine being with someone who exists independently of my happiness. We should consume each other, be unable to live without each other, be each’s other being. Why else people would want to be together?