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on love

I’ve been thinking about going home, to give this a shot. I know it sounds very dramatic, but somewhere between December when we randomly met and February when I went home twice, and through the million messages we have exchanged, I realized I really quite like this guy. And we’re not even together, which makes things sound even odder.

He is unlikely to give me a lifetime of riches, or poetry, wine and adventures. But maybe I’m sick of that now; maybe I’m ready to want someone who would share life with me, take care of me, fight with me, read me, tease me, be my best friend. All the non-exciting aspects of love no one talks about, yet precisely what’s important, and what I have been void of. I’ve had all the bells, whistles and tinsels, but no Christmas tree. And now that I’ve been offered a glimpse of a Christmas tree, it’s putting me into a tizzy.

Love vs career? The world, as I know it, is overwhelmingly in favor of the latter. Everyone tells me I should just focus on my career first, and figure out the rest later. On some level, it makes sense. Love does not pay the rent nor the bills; and if I stay on here long enough, the payoffs would be generous. But what if I end up with that and nothing else? Despite being in where everyone tells me is a good place, I haven’t quite lost my appetite for life, nor the guts to pursue what I think will make me happier.

Those who know me tell me this is just another manifestation of my unsettled ways and I should just ignore it. Those who know me better tell me the likelihood of me losing interest in the guy is not exactly zero. I know, I know, I do have quite a patchy record.

But to those who advised me to ‘just find another guy in HK’, I wish you would kick your own ass first, then go find some space and time for romance in your life.

Love is not going to a supermarket, and finding suitable for what you’re planning to cook for dinner. Love is not supposed to be convenient, or a way to spend all those after-work hours that you feel lonely in. And I do not go around looking for love, as a matter of practice.  Looking for love is like visiting a fortune teller, everything becomes self-fulfilling. Finding love does not work; the best ones fall out right from the sky.

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4 thoughts on “on love

  1. just saying says:

    You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. – Woody Allen.

  2. at the end of the day, how much satisfaction does work give you? these are the best years of your life now.. so do you want to spend it with a computer screen, or with someone?

    sure, success and money are a heady combination. but maybe i’m just a sucker for love. at the end of the day, i think it’s more important to have that someone waiting for me, supporting me, wiping away my tears, teasing me and making me laugh.

    work is usually the cause of all that misery that needs to be teased away.

  3. Joy says:

    Finding a guy Like that is way better and much lesser chance than getting a job u enjoy. So what if it pays you generously?

  4. christine says:

    I agree with everyone else on here but I feel like you shouldn’t rush into making such a big decision. Afterall, we all know how honeymoon periods feel like. In my opinion, I think you should give it some time first before deciding if this guy is the one for you, and if he is, then by all means, move! Also, there are many people we have successfully gone through LDRs so another few months shouldn’t be too hard. It really takes some time to know one another.

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