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Thoughts on blogging

Thank you so much for the comments. It’s very nice to know that despite my humdrum life and zero entertainment value , there are people who like reading what I write on this blog. I must admit that I am too very much attached to amandina*. Knowing I can connect with so many people with my words and thoughts only, is an incredible feeling; and I appreciate the fact that my readers are an amazing bunch of, thoughtful young women who always have a wise and encouraging word or two whenever I run into a problem.

Above and beyond everything else, what’s most irreplaceable and meaningful is the knowledge that I’ve gone through life for the past few years with a brigade of friends, known, unknown or otherwise. I’ve documented every up, down and detour – and you’ve been on this long, beautiful ride with me, throwing in a smattering of smart, silly, irreverent, wise comments along the way.

Of course, there are a few lurking in the background, waiting to pounce on anything thoughtless, self-absorbed or stupid things I write. Take the good and the bad, I say – for what it’s worth, at least I have a constant reminder that there can be people who don’t like you and/or are just waiting for you fuck up, and of course, remind you of the possibility that you may not be such a likeable person after all in the grand scheme of things. I call it a reality check.

So why the sudden idea of stopping this blogging thing altogether? Well, I’ve always thought about it, especially after a nasty flaming incident, or when I find out that my blog has become fodder for more than just a peaceful repository of thoughts.

Last year, one of my ex-colleagues circulated an email around the office documenting my transition from pre-nose job to post-nose job. I came to find out about it after a colleague from an overseas office emailed me to tell me. I really can’t think of another freely-available repository of before/after pictures other than my blog, can you? Someone must have been happily backtracking my entries until pre-2008. Don’t envy that person, sometimes I write up to 8 entries a day so that’s a lot of entries and months to backtrack.

And remember my Heartland post aka the most disastrous PR blooper ever? When I got to HK, one of my friends ribbed me about it and I’m like waitamin, did I tell you about it? And he’s like nope – I read it on hardware forum. Oh gee – I’m already terrified of Cozycot and now I have to be afraid of Hardware Forums too? One is filled with girls who have a lot of time to do nothing but dig out dirt on people and review clothes/beauty products, the other is filled with guys who have a lot of time to do nothing but dig out dirt on people and review gadgets. I say it like I see it, shrug.

My blog may be unrelatively-unread by famous-blogger terms, but if already this thrusts me into the limelight more than I am willing to digest, then it probably isn’t worth it. Plus I’m not even monetizing my blog, so there is really no gains (more traffic, more ad revenue) to be had from being scandalous or talked about.

Also, I’m the type who talks more about what I think, how I feel, what I perceive – rather than what I did, what I wore, what I ate and where I went. Strictly speaking in privacy terms, I’m in a more dangerous position! I’m divulging my inner self, sharing my innermost thoughts, essentially opening my entire self for judgment. I seriously have a lot more to lose than a girl who posts up pictures of what she wears everyday.

And then there’s S. He doesn’t know I blog even though Amandina is a nickname given to me by him. He would compleeetely freak out if he knew I’ve been discussing our relationship so openly so I think I should quit while I’m ahead.

Sorry while I’m on this, can I go slightly off topic for a sec? It stems from my observation of S and A vs. Cheryl and me while we were on our Phuket trip. Is it an Asian thing to maintain an overly active Facebook account with a profile picture history of at least 100 pictures, and of course a blog too, with as many pictures a day as possible? S and A were incredulous at how diligent we were at ‘Facebook maintenance’; to them, it just comes across as a lot of unnecessary hot airing and posturing, and a gross disrespect for personal privacy.

So back to topic. And then there’s the issue of content. Back in university, I had a million things I wanted to write about each day, and I would even tell them to Eug so that he could remind me at the end of the day what I wanted to write about. I read so much, my mind was popping with random snippets of information to share with my readers. I traveled, not vacationed. I came back with so much thoughts on a new place, a new culture – and I had time to dissect them and write pretty prose about each destination I’d been. (You should check out my blog before this one, it was grandiosely dreamy and I Thesaurused half of the words I wanted to use just to make things sound more.. pretty. )

These days I go to somewhere gorgeous, I take a few pictures (if I’m luckily) and I come back, upload a couple of pictures under a generic title called ‘Back!’ Then it’s post-vacation-and-back-to-real-life stress, and I disappear for a while. And when I next have time to write about my vacation, I no longer am inspired, or remember what inspired me. Maybe nothing did, since sand sea and salt is rejuvenating, not inspiring exactly – haha!

I guess the most telling signal that is starting to make me think that the time and purpose for this blog has come and gone, is how I’m actually ashamed of being a blogger. It’s a bit like how owning a blogshop has become passe and I hate saying the phrase, ‘I own a blogshop’. Similarly, these days whenever the topic of my blog surfaces in a conversation, I’d say things like ‘Oh, I stopped blogging.’ Maybe it’s because the people around me are all grown up now. They may have owned blogs before, but they definitely stopped writing in the past 2-3 years. Or maybe it’s because we’re all grown up now, that we’re starting to see the value of privacy. Or maybe it’s because I’m always around banking types – banking has traditionally been shrouded in secrecy and in contemporary times, lies. The most successful people are often the subtlest (probably leaves them with more room to maneuverer lies and deception) and there is absolutely nothing subtle about an over-active Facebook account or blog.

So it’s a combination of the above factors, and much as I hate to cut all 700-800 of you (and more, and counting) out of my life completely, I don’t know what else to do! Some friends suggested I make the blog private and restrict it to only people whom I know – but if I think about it, I can count the number of people I know personally on 4 hands! Who most of you are, I don’t know, so how can I make this blog private while still retaining your readership which I’ve grown accustomed to? I don’t know. And if I knew only 20 people were reading this, I think I’d be a lot less motivated to write at all. So I guess the best thing is to shut it down completely… your thoughts? 🙂

P.S. Ugh this is so gross, I actually enjoyed writing this post, rearranging the paragraphs to make it flow. Ugh, how to stop blogging.

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11 thoughts on “Thoughts on blogging

  1. Mish says:

    Don’t stop blogging, love your blog and how real it is, unlike many other “celebrity” blogs whose entries seem very measured and/or advertorial in nature. The privacy issues associated with blogging are understandable, perhaps you’d want to consider starting a new blog “anonymously”?

  2. the girl who ran to Shanghai says:

    You probably figured who I am from the name above : )

    Hmm so I am one of those ‘lurking in the background, waiting to pounce’ haha… the first time in May, after years (I realized I don’t even know when I started reading your blog, or how I chanced upon it; probably through The Scarlette I guess) of being a silent reader, this being the second.

    I asked myself why I have been following your blog. You said that your blog is of ‘zero entertainment value’, I don’t know, but I am not exactly attracted to those with your so-called ‘entertainment value’. There is no doubt that you are smart and you can write very well, but I guess I read your blog (diligently) because you seem real, direct, and your thoughts untainted.

    I supposed I know only fragments of who Amanda really is, all of which are through this blog. But even so, over the years, you have become somewhat an ‘invisible friend’, after all, I haven’t even met the real Amanda in person (I have only met Mei and Cheryl in Jan 09? at one of The Scarlette’s event where I bought like 10 dresses or so!). It is sad that you are shutting this down, because it feels like losing a friend, even if she is an ‘invisible’ one, but I guess I know where you are coming from, and I am happy for you if you are happy. Ahhh….

  3. Gosh. If you do that, there will not be any ANY inspiring blogs to read any more! There aren’t many who can write beautifully and there aren’t many who shares their thought so candidly and “real”. I will surely miss my daily read!

  4. I think you shouldnt shut down something that you enjoy doing just because of a few malicious people, they are just jealous and wanting to bring you down. Unless it’s affecting your career advancements or professionalism at work, then it’s for your best interests I guess.

    The thing about S, I think he’ll understand. All girls blog about the boyfriends in one way or another; for all you know he might be touched by what amandina-ism he reads here but doesnt feel when he’s with you?

    We never know what little bit of amandina we are gonna get every day, so this is a blog I came to like over the years (I just counted and realized I was reading you for THAT long), your spontaneity and your little escapades make me want to run away to some foreign country and live life for a while. So don’t stop making people dream.

  5. Sheralyn says:

    For your sake, you could set some entries on private. I think you can do that on wordpress right? Although it defeats the purpose of sharing your thoughts but if it affects your career, I guess this way is the best. Because your readers still can read some other public entries.

    I have been reading your blog ever since you started blogging, and it’s always the first blog I read on my “list of blogs” (sounds stalker-ish but noooo!) because

    1) you’re not pretentious
    2) you write REALLY well
    3) although you might have thesaurus-ed some of your words, but strangely it doesn’t look pretentious maybe because you’ve always written well and those big pretty words blend in? haha. or maybe because you’re a smart woman and not some act chio lian la so it’s acceptable lol
    4) And i agree with what Jolyn said about Seb finding out on your blog. you might be the sort who describe your feelings better in words than verbally, and he could be touched by it. and maybe in turn love you more? hahaha
    5) you are really writing, sharing & relating. don’t use the word ‘blogging’ to make your journal look “cheap”.
    6) in short, you’re very real la ok i don’t wanna say anymore to make me seem like some obsessed lesbian.

    oh ya and fuck that stupid ex-colleague who went to fucking CIRCULATE the story about your nose. wah lao really cheebye to do this low-down thing. oh well… take it that he/she is really jealous tt you’re so smart & beautiful and your lovely entries just aggravate the jealousy therefore he/she has to find a way to put you down. wtf ok byebye lol

  6. Sheralyn says:

    oh yes i just remembered. you have to keep on blogging so that your friends & family back home know what you’re up to, just set those work-related entries on private?? yeah i know there’s msn but surely you won’t send your picture to everyone or send regular updates to them via sms/bbm JUST to say, “hello i had 3 cups of citron whatever tea?? woohoo” right? hehehehe

  7. C says:

    If you’re worried about privacy, why not stop posting photos? Perhaps with only text floating around people will have less fodder for gossip. It’s not really that interesting to gossip about people’s thoughts on travel, work and life when it’s solely in text form.

    Or why not just go full out – be who you are and if people don’t like it, let them sod off. It’s so tiring concealing one’s inner nature for the sake of decorum

  8. mila says:

    don’t stop blogging! i really like ur style of writing 🙂
    i guess those flamers n ex-colleagues are envious of u.
    they must be wondering…how can someone be so brainy n look so good?

  9. Pingback: Sad.. « Its only Carrots

  10. annie says:

    reason #1257569483: i live my imaginary, what-if-i-had-the-guts-to-do-something-for-myself life vicariously through you. thank you for sharing.

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